she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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