they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
