I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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