i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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