My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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