I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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