I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
