I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
