i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
