8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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