your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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