This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
