the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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