im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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