that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude. I can hear the air.
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