Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
