my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
