Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
