I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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