Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
