we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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