I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
