we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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