There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
