At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
