Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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