That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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