Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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