I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
two words: eviction party
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
