ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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