I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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