I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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