and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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