we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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