This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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