Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
