The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
