we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
