I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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