that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
