chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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