my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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