I'm gonna have a badass scar
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
