A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
