New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
