We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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