I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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