we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.