my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got