I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
