true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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