I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
