now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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