if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
