Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
