I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When are your genitals available?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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