My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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