It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
