nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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