dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
