you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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