i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
third nipple confirmed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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