i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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