She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
