did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
