Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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