i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
