NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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