i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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