Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
