i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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