It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
