I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
