It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
