I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
