im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
