ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
