Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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