You're so nebulous sometimes
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
