I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
