Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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