I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
