Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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