You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
