Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
