I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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