she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
