a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
