she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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